it's random but.. I can't help myself..:/ this stupid head of mine thinks about nonsensical stuff at the wrong time.. random thought about this episode where my ex broke up with me..saying that phrase.."I rich and I deserve better.." with that bratty attitude..:/ a total 180 degrees change..:/ maybe thats why I told myself never wanna date another 'spoilt kid'..even if I do..have to get one that knows wheres the limit.. I kinda admire those kids who knows that even if they are born with a silver spoon in their mouth..it's not something that entitled to them..and have the thinking that it's their parents money and not theirs kind of attitude.. uhhh just something random uh><..hmm..kinda realise something..all the people that I dated previously all are self proclaimed 'rich' and have the natural ability to sing..oh my..:/..

I would have never expect myself to get into another relationship especially since the previous incident. Never would I have thought that I would have the courage to open my heart up again to someone else. Months have passed and we are now happily together. I'm really glad to have met this wonderful person.. sweet and adorable.. just the way I like:P Baby if you see this... I want you to know that I love you alot..You are one and only that I wanna spend my entire life with.. As long as is within my means, I will try to get what you want for you .. I really wanna spend my entire life with you my dear.. Can't wait to marry you and wanna pamper you:)..be my one and only love baby❤..

'you must be dead tired,always sleeping so late,even though is the term break..' hmm..now I'm sitting at some certain void deck..listening to music,humming along and doing some deep thinking..like finally I have time for these.. its been awhile now since I last updated this blog..:) things are going well, nothing too major to worry about other than some minor stuff like cca etc. haven really get the time to enjoy this break..project project and more project..I dun even have enough time for a good ZZZs not to say to have time for myself to do some leisure stuff...and in just a few days time school's gonna start..uhhh.. duno if its me being affect alot..my head kinda pop out lots of what ifs..lol..what if the things that I've went through never really happen..would I still take every thing especially what I have now lightly..these few days the things I am going through feels like déjà vu..the only differences is my attitude towards it..my first one I react to it like as if my whole world is falling apart and took quite awhile to recover..my second one it's kinda hurts like just a sting..but I got back right on track immediately..the third one..Uhh it's like the whole thing didn even happen and now this..:/..I used to have this mindset that I should take every single one seriously..but with each setback,disappointment..it doesn't allow me to be that way..but it's not anyone's fault..it's just mine..if only I focus on what I'm suppose to do and dont go through any of those stuff..maybe I would by have ended up this way..what I want now is that I hope I won't have to hurt anyone around me..especially the one I love the most...

today's been a crappy day. same as yesterday..i cried out hard just now..been breaking down so often recently..haiz..parents never understand what we are going through now..same as teachers..tell them that we are stressed out..all they can do is to scream at you..nagged at you..I duno how to tell you all..just so hard for me say it all out..just that no one really understands me..even my own parents..they dun bloody understand me..just because i showed a black face just now and threw a tantrum..my mum screamed and cried..dont want me to hide anything from her...how? you tell me..how to tell you anything when all ur gonna do is to scream at me and end up crying? after all these..i can conclude that all the parents are the same..dun just give us the logical wise crap..dun keep asking us to stand in ur shoes and look at things from ur point..how about you all just try looking at ours? how about that? isnt that fair? instead of asking me to respect all of u..how about we do mutual respect by respecting me the same way? and dun dampen our spirits and demoralised us all the time just cause of one failure..we all are feeling pretty bad already..just just..someone just kill me..I have been hiding so many stuff from them..it's really hurting me inside..who would say anything to ur own parents of they are those kind of person who won't ever accept you for who you really are..how..you tell me..what should I do?..I'm fine with anything..anything to make all these pain go away.. I don't wanna fake it anymore..can't smile and pretend like as if nothing ever happen everytime I get home..I have had enough..I have enough troubles of my own to listen to all of urs.. I really wonder how long more can I last in this place..we are no longer playing in a world full of innocent young children..we are in a complex place..playing games with kids of our age or even older..playing with people who have the cold blooded mindset/thinking of those creepy adults..even the adults themselves are playing in our world..twisting our heads and playing ard with our minds.. is this really how the working world gonna be like? except 100 times worse? if that's the case..then I dun wanna grow up..

It's been awhile><..phew~..dusty around here..o-o..haha..lame shit..
Been a week since Salvo's concert ended...It went well and all of the remaining members had a week break..Training resumes this coming monday where all of us are gonna have crash trainings to memorize the scores (11 of them and i only know 4) O-o...to prepare for the new freshman coming in to be tp's year ones..and hopefully this time we can recruit and retain many juniors:P...

I've been spending some time thinking of some stuff...i realised that i was damn foolish last time..everytime when i got involved in a relationship..i will always think very far..><..haha..like when we were together for barely even a month..i can think of how are we gonna spend the future together..retarded..when once u had that thought..the relationship just end..oh well..hehe..:)..i used to think of when and where can we settle down...if my other half like dun like kids..spending rest of our life together on our own sounds good to me..but if my other half likes or even loves them..we can have them on our own or have it through adoption..:)..and after that we will raise them and love them together..giving them everything we've got..but nah..its still a long long way to go..i haven even start my year 2 in poly><..haven start uni and i've got no job..:/..how to settle down and start a family..chey!..haha..but seriously...thats my goal in life...doing so much and studyin so hard(i did try to study:P)..so that i can achieve this personal goal of mine..To settle down and spend the rest of my life with the person i love dearly..:)..thats all i ever wanted..haha..but for now..i should just enjoy my holidays till 23 april where my year 2 life will begin..
Study hard and work hard ah wei shan..wait for a couple more years before you start thinking of those crap uh..:P..thats all..random much..haha..Ciaos!:D

Today just ended my fourth training...it's like I've been to hell and back><..trained directly under Kaleryn for like 9 hrs straight..omg><..we did the basics and keep recapping all our previous scores..the worst part was when we kept replaying the same score over and over again from the start when one of us made a mistake..D:..But I did learnt many things..improved on my posture and all..yea:) Felt better after taking a hot shower..heh more refreshed..my shirt, undergarment and pants were like soaking with my sweat..smell like only of those gym guys..their 'heavenly' scent..bleah:P..I did use a deodorant before I went out so not really that bad uh..just that I was smellier than yesterday.. Didn't injure myself as much as yesterday's training..didn't get hit in the eye or what><..just sprain my wrist..got a few splinters and blisters forming on my hands..my hands gonna be callous one day..D:..ah oh well..anyways today is thursday! :D..an hr more and it's gonna be friday!..I'm gonna see my babe on Saturday! Yea!~><..miss my babe so much..heh can't wait to see u soon..>3<..ah that's all for now:P..gonna go recap my scores..cause tomorrow is the preview day..adios!:D

Second training

Just finished my second salvo training of the week..haiz..idk currently feeling kinda sad..and it seems that I kinda have wasted today's training..cause this score, 'lang' which I have been practicing and training hard for the past few months.. today, I was told to withdraw from it..well it's not their fault anyways..it's mine..cause it's my back and leg injuries that I had led to it..seniors were afraid that the impact from jumping on and off drum will aggravate my condition..oh well..:/..I taught Cynthia everything I have learnt the parts she's suppose play..:]..some of the people told me if only changes were made early..I could still have the chance to play another score, 'xuan' which is the one that I am still not that bad in..heh..can't help it..that's life people..no matter how sad it is we still have to accept it..if only I have never injure myself during the sports matches I had years ago..things would have been different:]..anyways one score down..two more to go.. Tomorrow there will be a training and later on audition for the score 'genesis'..hopefully I do well for that and get selected..well that's all for now..:]